This is something I posted originally at Newsvine in 2011.
Weakly World News is a satirical fictitious newspaper I made up. The links take you mostly to other satires by me I used to write them more often.
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Weakly World News is a satirical fictitious newspaper I made up. The links take you mostly to other satires by me I used to write them more often.
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Attempts to have the Occupy Wall Street movement grow to include an Occupy North Pole have so far failed, sources tell the Weakly World News.
Rumors that there may be a protest planned while Santa is flying around the world could not be confirmed.
There have been three reasons the movement has not gained ground in oh-so-cold place, sources said:
First, everyone is busy getting everything ready for Christmas. They may start protesting in January but more likely that will happen in February because by contract all North Pole employees get four weeks paid leave in January.
Second, when not working most workers are distracted by facebook,or complaining about all the mistakes in movies about Christmas, playing in those "rheindeer games" made so famous in that classic song and thinking about their favorite holiday songs.
Third, they don't really have much they are upset about. Would some like to be better known? Sure. Do some get jealous that everyone knows about Rudolph and Frosty and Santa but it's the elves doing the real hard work? Well, yes, but that's not going to change at least until Santa comes through on his promise to get some new songwriters to come visit and write some new tunes, a plan that's been on hold since the economy went, er, south.
A source who requested anonymity but whose name rhymes with Panta Pause said, "Ho Ho Ho, we don't have anyone unhappy enough to protest here."
That said, if Occupy North Pole took off like a, well, a sleigh, it would not be a surprise: There have been reports of strange dealings at the North Pole in the past ranging from that stereoid scandal up there a few years ago
He knows when you're awake).
This reporter will keep you posted on all things Occupy North Pole as well as rumored attempts by the Occupy movement to stop Valentine's Day this year.
In other news a rheindeer is rumored to have had plastic surgery in an attempt to have a brighter nose than Rudolph but Santa is said to have a strict "naturals only" policy.
That concludes this report.
Rumors that there may be a protest planned while Santa is flying around the world could not be confirmed.
There have been three reasons the movement has not gained ground in oh-so-cold place, sources said:
First, everyone is busy getting everything ready for Christmas. They may start protesting in January but more likely that will happen in February because by contract all North Pole employees get four weeks paid leave in January.
Second, when not working most workers are distracted by facebook,or complaining about all the mistakes in movies about Christmas, playing in those "rheindeer games" made so famous in that classic song and thinking about their favorite holiday songs.
Third, they don't really have much they are upset about. Would some like to be better known? Sure. Do some get jealous that everyone knows about Rudolph and Frosty and Santa but it's the elves doing the real hard work? Well, yes, but that's not going to change at least until Santa comes through on his promise to get some new songwriters to come visit and write some new tunes, a plan that's been on hold since the economy went, er, south.
A source who requested anonymity but whose name rhymes with Panta Pause said, "Ho Ho Ho, we don't have anyone unhappy enough to protest here."
That said, if Occupy North Pole took off like a, well, a sleigh, it would not be a surprise: There have been reports of strange dealings at the North Pole in the past ranging from that stereoid scandal up there a few years ago
He knows when you're awake).
This reporter will keep you posted on all things Occupy North Pole as well as rumored attempts by the Occupy movement to stop Valentine's Day this year.
In other news a rheindeer is rumored to have had plastic surgery in an attempt to have a brighter nose than Rudolph but Santa is said to have a strict "naturals only" policy.
That concludes this report.
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